If you are here reading this article, chances are you are either going through a divorce or have just went through one. You may be looking for some direction or purpose as your life is changing and are searching for the message that best resonates with you.
Our site, Daughters of Divine Power, hopes you find the messages you are looking for as you transition to single life and those messages take you to the beautiful life you deserve.
This series on divorce was written because I have documented events that unfolded after I divorced my husband. My intention for documenting such gut-wrenching events was so I can help women who are going through a similar time. My goal is to help women through this transition between the phases of separation and post-divorce and inspire them to become better versions of themselves.
In addition, it is quite important for us, as women, to understand that divorce is not a disease and, of course, not a shameful event. Also, I encourage you to see yourself as a distinct person and just like every other person continue to look on the brighter side. Just by changing your understanding of divorce and providing a positive mindset for yourself, you will be creating the best environment and mental state to assist you through post divorce experiences. The new mindset will also help you make needed decisions on your journey to true happiness even as a single.
Truth: I missed being dependent on my partner for some things.
Living with my ex-husband during our marriage, I enjoyed some privileges which I became very used to without even realizing it. After the separation, they became glaringly obvious and not always at the best times, not to mention, doing many of those things by myself reminded me of life with him. For example, the very first thing that I noticed that jerked me back to reality after I divorced my ex was the household duties he managed. And after talking with many friends that had gone through divorce and sharing the same type of realizations, I knew other women must be experiencing the same reality.
Let me share with you one of the first instances that shocked me back to reality. During the first week of separation I spent several days at home being emotional. I ordered my groceries and had them delivered to my doorstep. Some friends stopped by on occasion to check on me, but for the most part those initial first few days were at home dealing with the physical and emotional adjustment of the separation.
Then suddenly there was a day that I told myself, it’s time, let’s get out of here. So I decided to go hang out with one of my closest friends. I grabbed my keys and my purse and got in my car. I went to turn the ignition to start the car only to discover that the car was out of gas. Surprisingly, I couldn’t remember the last time I visited a gas station even though the car was mine and I was the only one who drove it.
Apparently, my ex had been the one filling it up with gas ever since we have been together. He was the one that did all the maintenance to the car, while all I did was drive it. For this reason, I never knew when it was time to change the oil, or when I needed to renew my tags before they expired. I could not even say I had taken the car for a wash by myself. Now with that little jolt to the system, I was right back to reality that I was separated from my husband.
So as life goes on and I started to look around, I began to notice the things within the house that he took care, of like, he was the one responsible for checking the bills and ensuring that we got them paid by the appropriate date. He also was the one that changed burned out light bulbs and dead batteries in the smoke detector. So imagine me just starting to do these things on my own and the feeling of being overwhelmed with duties that were supposed to be a part of my routine, but hadn’t been for some time now.
In the long run, the divorce has actually opened my eyes to the fact that even if you are getting assistance with some duties from a spouse or loved one, you should try to do these things once in a while on your own. Mind you, divorce is not the only reason one can experience this kind of reality shock. It can happen if someone you depend on dies or even falls sick, so it is a good idea to get accustomed to doing things for yourself.
For instance, I live in the country with my new husband and often times, wild animals come around into the neighborhood turning over trash cans and making a mess of the whole place if the can is not secured properly. Consequently, my husband is the one who takes care of securing the trash cans. He has this whole system of selecting which garbage can to put the trash in, how to hold it down with bricks and putting a chain around it so that these animals can’t tamper with it.
You are probably thinking I am pulling your leg, but in fact there was a time a bear bit the lid of the can and made off with it. The animals just love to get in these trash cans, and they do it on a regular basis.
All things considered, this is so wonderful that my husband takes the initiative to do this for us, but I know that I need to learn. At the very least, I need to learn how to properly handle this trash disposal with all the technicalities of making it hard for the animals to turn them over.
Ultimately, I have decided that I will start taking out the trash at least once a week because if my husband were to leave me, doing as little as taking out trash would be very difficult for me.
Bottom line, after you and your partner both go your separate ways, there is no way you will not be reminded of your ex by the duties he did for you and your old life. They will all be staring right at you and when you least expect it, let you know of their presence, making you find a way to get them done. Hang in there! I know you can do it. Just take one day or responsibility at a time. You got this!